" 'What day is it?' asked Pooh. 'It's today,' squeaked Piglet. 'My favorite day,' said Pooh."

            In high school, I was so consistent with my blogging. Since then, I’ve tried to keep it up but have not been able to for various reasons. I put a lot of pressure on myself for everything I write to be good. I’m a perfectionist in and odd way because I don’t want things to be perfect; I want everything to be perfectly imperfect. I want myself to be perfectly imperfect and I have a vision in my mind of what that’s supposed to look like. Maybe I just have a different idea of perfection than other people do. And I can’t hold myself to that standard anymore because it’s not fair. So I am writing again, blogging again, and I am only holding myself to the standard of making sure that whatever I write is purely me, whatever that may be. I promise you and I promise myself that my soul will shine through my writing, that my writing will be honest, that my writing will be Hilary.

           

            Three minutes ago, I turned 22. I’m graduating in five months, moving to a new city in nine. I’m feeling like a woman, finally. I felt like a 16-year-old until I was 19, and after that I was in an indeterminate place, not a girl but not a woman—why don’t we have a name for that place? We’ll have to think of a name for that place because not-a-girl-but-not-yet-a-woman is a beautiful, though difficult time, and people who are there deserve a name that they can identify with if they want. But right now, I feel like a woman. And I like it. I am entering a year of transition, but I am so at peace, am so ready for it, feel so very much like I am becoming a person that I very much like. Twenty-one was a rough year, but now I am 22 and am emerging as a whole person.

            I think the most important thing I learned this year is how to take care of myself. We are taught not to spend too much time loving ourselves, not to be selfish. That’s foolish. We need to be selfish in order to be selfless. I’m still working on loving myself, but I have so much more energy to love others now that I am loving myself. I have more to give than I did a year ago; a whole person will always have more to give than half a person. I made a little poster that I put up on the wall next to my bed. On it I wrote a Brian Andreas quote. I often write about Brian Andreas, for I find so much inspiration in his simple truths.

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” –Brian Andreas

I feel that so many more people would be happy if they could only take care of themselves. It seems so simple, but it is so true.

            Today, I am 22. I will sing happy birthday to myself, will celebrate my life, will take care of myself but appreciate when other people take care of me. This year is a year of love, of loving others and of loving myself. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, sweet Hilary, happy birthday to me.